'Suicide and Sunshine' doesn't sugarcoat anything, Trophy Eyes drops an unforgettable rock album
Trigger Warning: Mentions and details of suicide and grief
It felt like a movie scene. I was below Manhattan riding the 6 train on my commute home from the ritzy midtown office buildings. Stopped between stations, our lousy train came to a halt with even the engines shutting off.
I’m no stranger to train delays, but they never get less inconvenient. My sentiments were echoed by other passengers around me. Time droned on and an announcement explained to us that an “unauthorized person” was on the tracks ahead. With an investigation underway, we held tight, but the feeling of annoyance hung in the air.
Minutes turned into an hour.
That’s when the conductor slid into our train car. My gut turned as he told us.
This unauthorized person, the inconvenience, had been a person attempting suicide. It seems obvious in retrospect. I felt like I was going to be sick when they later updated us that the attempt was successful.
As morbid as it was, at that moment, I looked down at my phone. “Blue Eyed Boy” by Trophy Eyes happened to be what shuffled on next.
I couldn’t help but think about my own friend whose life was lost long ago to suicide. I couldn’t help but think about how as passengers we saw this person’s pain as another inconvenience. I certainly couldn’t help but think about the grief present in this song.
All this to say, the release of the fourth Trophy Eyes album, Suicide and Sunshine, left me with a lot to think about.
Suicide and Sunshine is out now.
Trophy Eyes has never been a stranger to the themes of suicide, depression, and mental illness. In fact, I still treasure the pink merch tee I picked up years ago at Warped Tour that depicts a noose hung from a palm tree.
Suicide and Sunshine, musically, feels like a closer return to the sounds of their second album Chemical Miracle.
While this new album’s predecessor, The American Dream, sent the band’s sound toward a more polished approach of vocals and even production, Suicide and Sunshine, seems to backtrack from that direction. Certainly, the band has brought what they learned from that album into this release, but truly, Suicide and Sunshine will leave listeners with that more raw, emotional sound.
Right away, the album starts off with the introduction — “Sydney” — which is full of emotional anguish and anger, fading right into “Life in Slow Motion”. A space that was once filled with anger is now replaced by a track that is almost tranquil, begging.
“And in the chaos, I find peace and quiet,” the lyrics explain. This track, specifically, is that peace in a story that otherwise is full of fracturing turmoil.
John Floreani explains the inspiration behind this album.
“Suicide and Sunshine is a telling of my life, however microscopic and insignificant. The good and the bad. Each moment, a flicker of light and sound, lived through me as the man behind the camera,” lead singer, John Floreani, told us. “A life, just like yours, marching bravely into every merciless wave of time. Over and over, our shells slowly crumble, until our tiny end. A blip in the never-ending inky deep.”
When you follow this album as a story in that sense, you’ll find that it may be a retelling of John’s own story, but sometimes elements of it seem to speak to the human condition entirely.
All the existentialism aside, the album is heavily about John losing his best friend to suicide.
Too often in this alternative music scene, that is a reality that many of us face. The feelings of grief, anger, and pain are churned over and over until they’re poured into our art.
"Sean" is all too relatable.
“I do this to feel something,” John sings in the 54-second interlude, “Burden”.
What immediately follows is a 5-minute song, or rather a story, entitled “Sean”. Not only is it the song that gives the album its name with the lyrics “suicide and sunshine,” but it's the standout track.
John spares no detail. The lyrics are direct. Oftentimes with music (and by extension poetry), we get lost in the flowery metaphors and flashy lines, so much so that we forget that it's all too easy to wash away the gravity of an experience that way.
His choice to be direct, honest, and bold is not lost on me nor will it be lost on any fan listening. In fact, it's a powerful tool that serves a beautiful purpose.
The message that you left on the mirror by your bed came through.
You apologized again
Like you did too often
This time its not alright, but I’ll forgive you"Sean" by Trophy Eyes
When we open up about experiencing loss from suicide, it's hard to explain to those who haven’t been through it the feeling of guilt and shame. Naturally, you blame yourself. From personal experience, that’s a natural thing to do.
“The first thing that I thought of when I heard that you had killed yourself was how stupid I’m about to look,” John sings. What follows in the song is the moment I knew that not only this track, but this album, would be one that would leave an imprint on my life forever. John opens up candidly, reflecting on his own guilt and admitting to what is sure to be a memory he’ll never be able to shake. “With my foot inside of my mouth ‘cause the last thing that I said when you were around was ‘you do this for attention or you’d have killed yourself by now.’”
The strength it takes to create and release a song as raw and honest as this one is something so few can do. Yet, Trophy Eyes did it.
Suicide and Sunshine is an album with undeniably no skips.
Of course, “Sean” isn’t the only song that stands out on this album. Isolating tracks, though, is so hard when you have an album that feels to flow from one song to the next seamlessly. While some albums, you can sit with them on shuffle… this album is not one of them. Suicide and Sunshine should be heard in entirety, from start to finish.
However, "Stay Here" is a song that immediately grabbed my attention. It was the fusion of a vibey song mixed with so much emotion. It's easy to listen to it passively, but the moment you dig into the lyrics you find that hidden under the great instrumentals, you'll be hit with grave torment. "If you go now, you only pass on your pain," John sings.
It concludes like any good story does, with a simple and pure “Epilogue”.
It perfectly summarizes a life well lived which includes, unfortunately, the lowest lows someone can imagine.
Hidden in this closing track was a beautiful ode to their song “Chlorine” from Chemical Miracle which also is a reflection on suicide. “When we remember, it's never the same,” John sings in “Epilogue”.
“When we remember we only get a version of the last time that we remember it,” will always be a lyric from “Chlorine” that I won’t forget. It, too, deals with the theme of suicide, also including the lyric “When you saved my life, did you know that, that would take your own?”
And like any good story, “Epilogue” also includes some triumph, no matter how bittersweet it is. “I just didn’t want to die in my hometown. Look at me now,” John reflects.
But the line that I won’t be able to shake is “I hope I entertained you.”
This album is not just a piece of entertainment, it is a true example of introspection and strength. Suicide and Sunshine is the first rock album released in a long while that has truly left a tattooed bruise that I never want to go away.
https://open.spotify.com/album/2UI2oA0YxNgDB2Zbm7HCaH